lotusflower | Sticks & Bones // IC Inbox

[Thanks, Tim, Kanda wishes he had the mental energy to give you a pat. As it is, he's already trying to shove this oversized beach ball off so he can stand up and yell more.]

Congratulations! How do you know she wasn't lying to your goddamn face, Allen?! How do you know that's actually you and not some other fucking kid? How do you know she doesn't belong in the dementia ward?!

[He digs the balls of his hands into his eyes, grabbing briefly at his bangs before he snaps back to attention and glares daggers at... not exactly Allen, but the wall behind him.]

Whatever you fucking saw or heard doesn't apply to me. I'm not— real, and I'm not fucking doing this reincarnation shit again. I'm not about to be some other faceless entity's plaything a second fucking time.

[ Tim goes to attempt to sit on Kanda fully, but the second he starts to shift is when Allen defensively scoops him into his arms, squeezing him to him like he'd often do when he was little and Cross got pissy with him. The problem here is that Timcanpy wants to take care of both these kids, so he lets out a little "GaAGH!!" protest before quieting down with a relenting sploot.

He expected this. He knew Kanda was going to be upset. He knew to the extend of which he would be, too. It isn't shocking, and yet all the same it rattles Allen. "I'm not real" and "I'm not fucking doing this again" and all that were the exact same sentiments Allen had. The only difference being that... well, while Kanda had wrath, Allen had met it with a bitter "this may as well happen". He's so used to getting fucked by whatever God willed at this point that it was hard for him to get angry. Maybe it's because the wound was so fresh, maybe it was because he'd already been in the middle of his grief about it previously, or maybe it's because he isn't really done processing it himself.

Allen is the sort of person to process grief by sitting in silence for hours, or days, after all. This is not Kanda.

Allen opens his mouth to say something, but his brain buzzes with useless static. He doesn't know how to process any of this himself. He isn't sure he has yet, so how is he supposed to tell any of that to Kanda? He could yell back. He could argue. He could throw a punch and tell him to stop being shitty. He could tell him that yelling isn't going to fucking fix anything. He could. But. Kanda's right.

This isn't fucking fair.

All that manages to come out is a strangled "Nngh..." before Allen shuts his mouth and looks at the floor. ]

[Kanda, meanwhile, has stormed over to the window to open it up and sort of lean out of it. He needs some fresh fucking air. He thinks he has a migraine. He's pretty sure he wishes he was never created, but that's a typical day-to-day. It's either stubbornly clinging to the life that he has and knowing that he's nothing more than an experiment and plaything and being spiteful enough to live despite it, or wondering if maybe it would've been better to be terminated on the lab table after all. Usually he opts for living despite it all, but...

He can't do this second life shit again. Sure, people believe in that, but no one who's ever said "yeah, I was This or That in my past life" has ever been taken seriously. He's pretty sure this random woman is just capitalizing on Allen's pain of not having parents, too, and that pisses him off even more...

For a while, they're going to sit and stand in silence, because Kanda needs to look outside at the weird moss squirrels doing their thing and try to ground himself with the illusory flowers in the trees and ARGH.

He folds his arms up over his head and lays against the sill for far too long before he finally straightens up again.]

Who's this bitch that told you all of that?

[ Timcanpy is chewing on Allen's sleeve as Allen is trying to pet him. Please let him go, Allen, he has to pull Kanda back so he can lay on both of you. Weighted blanket style. This will surely work-

He doesn't look at Kanda, even once he speaks again. He just winces a bit, shaking his head. ]

...Why? What good will knowing do? You're mad at her because I was asking her questions about this place and receiving answers. If you're angry, take it out on me, not her.

It's not your fault you were fucking lied to. It is your fault you take everything at face value like you do.

[Thanks???]

And since you always take everything on the nose, I need to go verify the claims myself.

[He is still in his Denial phase, or... somewhere between denial and anger as it were. He does not plan to hit the other stages of grief because none of this is real, thanks.]

...I'm going with you if you're going to speak to her.

[ Not a question. He looks at Kanda here, deathly serious. ]

...fine.

[He knows you're going to stop him from being a bitch but also don't stop him from being a bitch he needs to figure out what this woman's PROBLEM is! (Kanda's ability to craft a narrative when he doesn't like something is truly impressive.)]

Let me tie my hair back and grab a coat, and we'll go.

--What? Now? [ Allen stands up, letting go of Tim who promptly schlorps into his smaller form to sit on Allen's head instead. ] You don't have any concept of "cooling off" do you??? At least give yourself some time to collect your goddamn thoughts, Kanda!

[Nope he does not—]

My thoughts are collected. [He has decided that this woman is a liar and that he hates her. Which is going to be a super funny conversation to have when he's inevitably pointed out as "that bratty kid that had a mad crush on my son", huh.] I'm cooled off.

[He is none of these things and he'll probably see Lily and start screaming.]

Cooled as Hell, maybe! [ He knows those eyes, Kanda. Those aren't the eyes of someone who's gonna be fuckin' cool. ]

I'm not letting you go out like this, you moppet. Let's just get some breakfast, at the very least. Then maybe I'll take you - though I think some training or... or something physical would do you good. Maybe go for a run or... sword training or something.

[He is rolling his God Damn Eyes.]

I'm fucking fine. [You're bitchy, you're neurodivergent, and you need breakfast.] But fine, if it helps you sleep at night. There's a dojo south of the river.

[ Visibly, Allen relaxes. Like he can see the shift in Kanda from genuine rage to his usual “tsk”ing and broody upset. That he can deal with. ]

Then you’re saying you’ll come with me there before we see her?

[He hates you. He hates your stupid doe-eyes he hates the fact that he falls for this shit every time and he hates that you're one-upping him AGAIN because of your stupid ass face and—]

I guess.

[grrr grrrrrrr hiss snarl bite]

[ Well, it's one way to get your Kanda to calm down! He figures he's still pissed. Still figuring out his emotions, still... very likely wanting to punch a wall. All the same, Allen smiles. ]

Brilliant! Then, I'll see you downstairs. [ Allen gives a little wave, and makes for the door so he can go see about making them food. Tim will peel off of him and land on Kanda's bed, making Allen pause for just a moment to see if that was an accident, but continues on when he realizes Tim is just... being Tim.

Left with your thoughts for now, Kanda! ]

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